Chrono Crossover
by Mikomi's Pen
Summary: An absolutely ludicrous fic where everyone acts OOC. This is based on Chrono Cross, yes, but it isn't a genuine crossover. Um. Spoilers for both FF7 and Chrono Cross.
1. Chapter 1

As cliche as it may sound, it was a beautiful day in the neighborhood where people can come back to life at the snap of a finger and people have hands larger than their heads. Cloud was sleeping in late, as he had a habit of doing, since the "saving the world and killing Sephiroth" this had gone to his head.  
  
Cloud turned over in bed and muttered to himself. "Will not...dammit...shaddap...let's mosey!"  
  
Suddenly, in the world of irony, some bright deity had a bright idea in their bright head in their bright kingdom of bright...Anyway, some deity of irony had an idea.  
  
"Now," said the deity of irony, "Cloud seems to have a swollen head. So, I should transport him to another game! Nyuck nyuck nyuck! I know...how about...Chrono Trigger?!"  
  
Unfortunately, in the seconds it had taken for the deity to finish its sentence, Yuffie had hired seventeen lawyers, who all sued the deity of irony for copyright infringement of her laugh. By the time it had all gone through the system, Chrono Trigger was long finished, and the deity of irony was forced to settle for Chrono Cross. And yet, through all of this, Cloud remained sleeping.  
  
  
  
"Serge..." called a voice. "Serge, it's time to get up. Wake up, sleepyhead!"  
  
"Shaddap. I'm comin' I'm comin'..." Cloud sat up in bed, and yawned. He swung his legs out over the side of the bed. then walked out into the main room of his house.  
  
"Serge, don't you know what...time...it is..." Marge swallowed, then gave a nervous laugh. "Um, Serge. Your hair looks very spikey and blond today."  
  
"Stop calling me Serge, it's eleven thirty, way too early to wake up, an' make me some pancakes." Only then did he look around. "Hunh. This isn't my house. Oh, well."  
  
Marge looked shocked. "The Video Game Character Formerly Known As Serge! Don't you know you don't eat in this game?"  
  
"Hey...Who are you?"  
  
"Me? I'm your mom. Amnesia again?"  
  
"Yeah, whatever. Wellp, I'm goin' to get some breffist."  
  
Marge shook her head and pressed her lips together firmly. "No, young man, you're going to see Leena!"  
  
"Who and why?"  
  
"Leena, your possible girlfriend, because it's required to advance the storyline."  
  
"Hunh. Okay. By the way, d'you know the way back to Midgar?"  
  
"Midgar? You mean Termina?"  
  
Cloud glared at her. "Does the name Midgar sound like Termina?"  
  
"No, but that's never bothered anyone in Squaresoft games before!"  
  
"..." Cloud sighed.  
  
"Hey, there's something wrong with you...Oh! I know! You have a picture on your text box, and you're talking!"  
  
"Hunh? What the heck is a picture on a text box?"  
  
Marge pointed up. "You see that big brown box up there?"  
  
"You mean the dialogue box?"  
  
She nodded. "See, if you're any playable character but Serge, you have a picture by your line. Serge...Well, he doesn't say anything until he turns into Evil Serge...but that's later."  
  
"'Kay. Later, lady."  
  
"What did I tell you about looking in the text box?"  
  
"You're not my mommy."  
  
"Yes I am."  
  
"Shaddap. Well, I'm off to see Laura."  
  
"Her name's Leena."  
  
"Same thing."  
  
  
  
Cloud looked around in awe. "This is odd...It's bright and cheery. The music is better than Midgar's. And..." He gasped. "I'm beautifully rendered, relatively proportional, and have small hands! Finally!" He reached into his key items and pulled out a jar of pickles. He pulled the cap off and reached into the jar, taking out and eating one of the pickles. "My hands are small enough to do this...Who knows what else I can do!"  
  
In true Square style, Cloud walked into a house and grabbed whatever wasn't nailed down. After a moment, he bent down to pet a cat.  
  
"Ah, young Serge, I see you have overcome your fear of cats," began an old woman. "You were attacked by a panther demon, you see, when you were very small, and..."  
  
"My name's not Serge, and I love cats. One of my best friends is a cat. Or is he? ...What is Red XIII? Okay, well, someone who was sent to spy on me was a cat. Wait, no, Cait Sith is a robot. Um, never mind, I hate cats."  
  
With that, he knocked the old woman down, took her purse, and kicked the cat out into the ocean, then ran away. 


	2. Chapter 2 (I better stop getting creativ...

"Cloud...er, Serge! You're late!"  
  
Cloud looked at Leena. "Oh. Aeris. You're in this too, huh? Well, I was busy robbing innocent people of their possessions. Lookit what I got!" He held up a mechanical device. "A couple a' people were traveling through time, and I lifted this offa 'em!" He looked at it. "Chrono Trigger. Huh. I wonder what that is."  
  
"Cloud, will you shut up a minute so I can talk to you!"  
  
"Huh. You're one to talk."  
  
"Shut...UP!! Thanks." She grinned. "That's better. Anyway, you're here because your head got too swollen. You must play through the entire game of Chrono Cross. Several characters from Final Fantasy 7 have been transported here in place of Chrono Cross characters...Cloud? Cloud!"  
  
He snapped awake. "Huh? Oh, sorry. Your lecture was like that story in the Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask. You just can't stay awake. So, I guess you'll have to get me an all-night mask."  
  
Aeris smacked him on the back of the head. "Shut up and get me Komodo Scales!"  
  
"Oww...Okay, okay! Jeez!" He rubbed the back of his head. He backed slowly away from Aeris, then when he judged himself far enough away, he broke and ran.  
  
"What the hell was with that! No random battles?" He shook his head. "What have these games come to."  
  
He ran right into one of the Komodos. "Oww!"  
  
The screen swirled around and the battle theme cued up. Cloud looked down. "What...the...hell. My sword is an oar. An oar!"  
  
"Um, excuse me, Mister Spikey-haired dude?"  
  
Cloud looked at the Komodo. "Whaddaya want?"  
  
"Um, if I give you a couple of scales, will you jus' leamme 'lone?"  
  
Cloud looked down. "Sure, why not?"  
  
He took the scales and breathed a sigh of relief. "Thank god. I don't have to do this fetch-quest."  
  
However, just for fun, he pushed the Komodo down and stole all its money.  
  
"Clo- Serge! Sorry I'm late!"  
  
Cloud looked at Aeris. "You better be! You know how long I've been waiting here? Twenty minutes! I'd be dead if I was playing-"  
  
"Enough about the damned Majora's Mask!" She cleared her throat, blushed, and let out a coquettish laugh. To cover her losing her mask of sweetness-  
  
"Or Majora!"  
  
Shut up, Cloud. You aren't supposed to interact with the narrator.  
  
"Sorry."  
  
As I was saying, to cover losing her mask of sweetness, she stared at the beach. "It's been a long time since we were on this beach, huh, Serge?" There was a long pause. "Serge? Fine, Cloud?" Still no response. She looked over as a loud snore came from our spikey hero. She smacked him on the back of the head.  
  
He snorted, then came awake. "You really gotta keep me awake during these things."  
  
She scowled, then sat down. "Remember our promise so many years ago?"  
  
"That was with Tifa."  
  
She smacked his leg so that he ended up face-down in the sand. He got back to his feet. "Um..."  
  
"Just play along, peabrain!" She repeated her earlier pattern. "Now, remember our promise?"  
  
"Of course I remember our promise, Aeris," he said in a dull monotone with his fingers crossed. "Now if y- owwww! Whad'I do this time?"  
  
"First of all, at the moment, I'm not Aeris. Second, you have to put a little life into it!"  
  
Cloud patted his hair not covered by the bandanna, pursed his lips, and said in a falsetto voice, "I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. Deville."  
  
Aeris knocked him into the ocean, where he drowned, creating a third world in which it became a peaceful utopia until a rip in the space-time continuum caused aliens, eight basilisks, the populace of Atlantis, fifteen mages, a good L. Ron Hubbard book, and Santa Claus to come through and destroy the world.  
  
Now, now, I know what you're all thinking, and you're absolutely right.  
  
A utopia isn't possible.  
  
But we're dealing with this world, right? Anyway, Cloud swum back to shore and frowned at Aeris. "Whaddaya doin'? I coulda drowned!"  
  
"You did."  
  
"..."  
  
Aeris smacked him again. "I hate it when you do that!"  
  
"..."  
  
"That's the wrong game, anyway!"  
  
"..."  
  
"It's not physically possible to do that!"  
  
"..."  
  
"STOP...DOING...THAT!!!"  
  
"..."  
  
Suddenly, there was a call from a mysterios source. "Serge..."  
  
In response, Cloud said a very eloquent and dignified, "..."  
  
And then Aeris's head exploded. Literally. The shock waves knocked Cloud into another world. As he lost consciousness, he heard the call again.  
  
"Serge...It's a kick in a glass." 


End file.
